not okay.
If I’m being honest
with you
I dream about
complete darkness
every night to
grow accustomed to
a life in complete silence.
I dream about
a day where
every night I
am—can be
happy.
I’m…
not happy
not okay
not
okay
because if I
continue with the “not”
then my next words
will continue to
weigh
me down
like a ball
of iron
chained
to
my
leg.
I am…
here
I am a black hole
waiting to implode.
I know I am getting old when
Kitchen utilities excite me when
Sleeping a full 8 hours is not enough when
Standing a while
hurt
every
part
of my body when
My patience wear thins when
I begin to reminisce about times when
doing things were easy
life was easy
less complicated
You know you old when
every statement you say begins with
“Remember when we…”
the bitter aroma fills the house
like your earthy scent clinging
to my skin;
awakening my desire to consume
you in one gulp disregarding
the warning signs of getting burned.
Any trip to the store
was always a welcomed
reprieve, besides reading
piles upon piles of books.
Time spent basking in
the sun and retreating to
the cool sanctuary of the
cornerstore was appreciated
no matter how short a time
spent there.
What was never appreciated
was the unsolicited stares
my mama and I received;
it was my least favorite part
of our store runs together.
The same question would
flow out their mouths like
the AC blasting in the store–
Is this your child?
Yes, this my baby and no,
she or her daddy ain’t white.
The tone in which she spoke
could deafen even the quietest
room.
Now, half her age
and the most my tone
can do is fill
a quiet room.
We may fight like matadors and bulls
or love like Lady and the Tramp
but one thing remains–our love.
This life we chose is not
an easy one or comes with a
How-To guide– we stumble
and fall and try over
and over and over again
but one thing always remains–
our love for each other– throughout
any and all struggles
the married life is forever.
We may fight like matadors and bulls
or love on each other like lovebugs
flying through the air but
one thing remains–our love.
The life we chose is no
easy feat or comes with a
how-to guide–we stumble and fall
and try over and over again
but one thing always remains–
our love for each other–
throughout any and all struggles
married life is forever.
and the pain is still the same;
My heart feels like an old tattered rag
that has had the water wrung out of it
far too many times.
Like my nose, words of how I
love you are stuck yet dripping
out every so often— one forceful push
and the words retreat further in.
It does not always feel good
and sometimes I wish to rid of it
rattling around in my chest completely but
then momentarily I feel relief
and hope for things to be better
for more than a moment.
Scraps of wrapping paper are scattered about like torn down police tape of a crime scene except the only crime here is a box of missing ornaments and gifts missing their Christmas-y adornments. You’ve always hated the idea of a materialistic Christmas hence the absence of the Gameboy advance and CD player with headphones wrapped beautifully by me under the tree since that’s all it is now—a tree in the living room.
Creative Fanatics 